Finding the right doctor

With most other kinds of cancers, the patient (after a diagnosis) works with an oncologist, who brings in other specialists as needed. With prostate cancer, patients always start with a urologist. That urologist may have also performed the biopsy, and he is often a urosurgeon as well. Sometimes he is a urologic oncologist. Many patients never get further than the first urologist, and that is almost always a bad idea. Patients should interview several specialists before deciding upon the one who he will share decision-making responsibility with. Depending upon the initial diagnostic information from the biopsy, PSA, DRE, and (rarely) a bone scan/CT, the patient may want to consult with a urosurgeon, at least one radiation oncologist, a medical oncologist, or sometimes, a urologist specializing in active surveillance, or a specialist in ablation therapy. If salvage treatment is needed, a radiation oncologist or specialist in ablation therapy may be needed. How does a patient find the best doctor for the job?

The Right Specialist

I strongly recommend putting only one kind of doctor as your primary health partner. Other kinds of doctors (urologists, radiation oncologists, interventional radiologists, radiologists, pathologists, geneticists, various organ specialists, and second opinions may be called in as needed). 

Some institutions use a team approach, which is convenient. The downsides of the team approach are that they often meet without you there, so you only get to hear someone's summary and not the dissenting opinions. When they do meet with you as a group, valuable opinions may be drowned out and some doctors are deferential to their colleagues. Also, the team may not reflect the best doctors, if the best specialists do not work at that institution. It is also asking for trouble if you have too many cooks. Doctors are very specialized. A medical oncologist has only some familiarity of what a radiation oncologist does, but that may not stop him from expressing an opinion. It is up to you to confer with the best specialist for your needs and to form your own opinions.

The doctor's job is to provide you with all the information you need to make an informed decision, not to make a decision for you. It is your body and your life, and only you are qualified to make those critical decisions. Don't give up your power! 

 The three kinds of specialists who you can choose to be your primary health partner - a medical oncologist (MO), a urologist (Uro), and a radiation oncologist (RO). The one you choose as your primary at any given time depends on your answer to the following question:

Is my cancer localized? 

If your cancer is still localized, it is potentially curable. Prostate cancer may still be cured even if the cancer has escaped to pelvic lymph nodes, although this has not been definitively proven. The doctors that specialize in curing prostate cancer are Uros and ROs.  Most of us start out with a Uro who does the initial diagnosis. If the cancer seems to be localized and one decides to have surgery, that is usually done by a urologist too - sometimes the same one, sometimes different. Find the most experienced Uro you can - robotic or open doesn't make a difference.  

Urologists also run active surveillance programs at most institutions. That should be the primary focus if you are diagnosed with low-risk prostate cancer. 

Also, seek out the opinions of one or more ROs. ROs have subspecialties: brachytherapy (high dose rate (temporary implants) or low dose rate (seeds), SBRT, hypofractionated IMRT, IMRT, Salvage IMRT, and protons. Unfavorable risk patients should be focused on brachy boost therapy. Favorable risk patients should concentrate on monotherapies, which have fewer side effects. Focal salvage radiation for patients who have had primary radiation treatment is receiving more attention (see this link). Experimental therapies might include SBRT for high-risk patients, or focal radiation as primary therapy. If you are recurrent after a prostatectomy, your Uro's job is done. At that point, an RO becomes your primary health partner. ROs usually know if any adjuvant medicines are required and for how long.  

Focal, whole gland and hemi-gland thermal ablation as primary or salvage treatment is receiving a lot of attention. This may involve HIFU, TULSA, FLA, Cryo, PDT, IRE, RF or MW. They are all experimental and should be approached with caution. There are many unanswered questions. The FDA approved HIFU for removal of prostate tissue, not as a cure for prostate cancer, but many unscrupulous doctors promote them as cures. It should only be done by a fully informed patient within a clinical trial.

Some patients think that if they have localized prostate cancer and they see an MO, they will get an unbiased opinion. This is never the case. All specialists are biased towards the field they specialized in, or else they are in the wrong field. Urologists have a bias towards surgery and are most familiar with surgical issues. ROs are biased towards radiation of the type they specialize in and are familiar with what radiation can and can't do in details that Uros and MOs can't hope to be familiar with. MOs who specialize in treating men with incurable cancers are biased towards using lots of medicines and testing that may be unnecessary and create anxiety. A patient is and always should be his own quarterback.

If your cancer is not localized, prostate cancer can still be managed as a disease one can live with, sometimes for long enough that you will die of something else first. The kind of doctor who specializes in this is an MO. He should specialize in urologic oncology, preferably at a top tertiary care cancer institution. If you fall into any of the following categories, an MO should be your primary health partner:

• Recurrent after prostatectomy (or primary radiation) and salvage radiation, unless salvage pelvic lymph node radiation is still an option 
• Recurrent with distant metastases (Stage M1) 
• Newly diagnosed with distant metastases (Stage M1) 
• All other Stage M1

Various specialists may still be called in (e.g., a radiation oncologist for palliative treatment of metastases.)

Available doctors/treatments – HMO vs PPO

You may be limited in the doctors and treatments accessible to you. If you have insurance with an HMO, you are limited to those doctors. Even with PPO insurance, some doctors will be out-of-network. On your current plan, you may not have affordable access to the doctor or treatment you want. If that is the case, and your variety of prostate cancer is slow growing, consider switching plans at the next open enrollment period. Insurance companies are not allowed to turn you down for pre-existing conditions.

Doctors accepting patients/ insurance/ Medicare

You won’t always be able to get the doctor you most want. Some doctors don’t take Medicare. Some don’t take any kind of insurance. Some aren’t taking any new patients. Sometimes it helps to approach a doctor with a reference from a colleague. I once got a second opinion from a famous specialist through pleading and crying -- whatever works. Have several doctors on your list as backup.

Ability to travel for treatment

There may be some very good doctors in community practice, but, according to database studies, patients generally do better with more experienced doctors, and those doctors are more likely to be found at major tertiary care centers. Some of those doctors will be out-of-state. The important considerations are whether you can afford to travel for a treatment, and whether your insurance will pay an out-of-state doctor.

Below are some typical treatment times. Can you afford to travel for them? There will also usually be an earlier trip for imaging and perhaps fiducial placement for radiation:
• PET scan (diagnostic): 2-4 hours
• Surgery: 2-10 days, depending on complications
• LDR Brachy (seeds): 1 day treatment, 1 day follow-up a month later
• HDR brachy (temporary implants): 2 days -- Sometimes a second 2-day stay a week later
• Combo IMRT with brachy boost: about 5 weeks
• SBRT – every other day for 4-5 treatments

• Hypofractionated IMRT - about 5 weeks of treatments
• IMRT, proton – about 8 weeks of treatments
• Focal ablation: outpatient
• Salvage radiation after surgery: about 7 weeks of treatments

• Salvage hypofractionated radiation after surgery: about 5 weeks of treatments
• Salvage brachy after radiation: 1 day

Finding doctors

Use your networks. I told everyone I knew that I had prostate cancer and was looking for doctors. My primary care physician knew a couple of good ones, more came from family, friends, and co-workers. Online boards are invaluable. Post with a title like “looking for an HDR brachytherapist in Kansas.” Someone may know someone who knows. 

Check rating sites like Yelp, ZocDoc, HealthGrades, Vitals, and RateMDs, but remember that people who bother to write typically have extraordinarily good experiences or extraordinarily bad experiences. The ordinary experiences tend to be under-represented. There are also disguised ratings from disgruntled employees, ex-spouses, friends, etc. Many hospitals and some doctors in private practice now routinely ask patients for doctor evaluations, and they are often available online. I’m particularly impressed by doctors who take the trouble to respond to negative reviews. Such sites are a good thing to check after you’ve narrowed your list down to just a few doctors.

Join a local prostate cancer support group. You will meet men with definite opinions about doctors they have used. Some organizations, like the Cancer Support Community, UsToo, and Malecare, may run groups locally. Sometimes hospitals run them. They should be easy to find with a Google search.

There are a couple of doctor-finder and rating services worth looking at. The US News & World Report Doctors, which is free, is a searchable database of doctors and their profiles. CastleConnolly has a Top Doctor rating service that you can access for $2/month.

Specialists usually know one another. They go to conferences together, read and referee one another’s research in peer-reviewed journals. If you know a specialist that you can’t access because of insurance or distance, call his office and ask if he has a recommendation in your city.

Pubmed is a great way to find out who’s who in the specialty of interest. In the search bar, enter “prostate cancer” and “your city” (use the quotation marks) to generate names of doctors in your city. You can narrow the specialty of interest to you by using search terms like “biochemical recurrence,” “salvage brachytherapy,” “Active Surveillance,” etc. If you already have some names, it may be a good idea to check them out on Pubmed. In the search bar, enter “Doctor’s Last Name First Initial”[author] and “prostate cancer.” It will come back with a list of publications written by that doctor (make sure it's not a different doctor with the same last name), and will show you the topics that are of special interest to him. If you click on “Author Information,” it will show the hospital where he works and perhaps some contact info. Be sure to Google him as well – doctors may move to different hospitals.

Check Google Books as well. If the doctor was invited to write or edit a book that is used in medical schools to teach new doctors, chances are that he is an acknowledged expert in that field.

If there is a tertiary care center or other hospital that you have access to, they usually have websites that list their staff and their resumes. Check them out in Pubmed, CastleConnolly, and with your online network.

Experience counts. This may be especially true for surgeons and LDR brachytherapists, where the best practitioners are accomplished artists. There are several studies that have shown that surgical outcomes, both in terms of cancer control and side effects are vastly better at high volume hospitals and among the highest volume surgeons. Based on this, some have suggested that prostate surgeries should only be performed at tertiary care centers.

Go to the best that you have access to – you deserve it.

OK, so you’ve generated a list of potential doctors that you have access to. What now? Set up appointments and start interviewing them (see suggested questions below). Most will allow self-referrals, but some will only take patients referred by other doctors.

The Interview

This is like a job interview. You are assessing whether his knowledge and experience is right for you. But you are also assessing whether he is the type of person you can work with. Before deciding on whether he or she is a good fit, you have to do a frank self-assessment. 

How do you prefer to come to a decision? Ask yourself:

1. Do I want to make the key decisions myself, or
2. Do I want to relegate those decisions to the doctor, or 
3. Do I want to collaborate in shared decision making? (best idea!)

How much information do you want to deal with? Some people have the attitude “Bring it on! There’s no such thing as TMI.” Others have the attitude “He is paid to know all that.”

What are the trade-offs you are willing to make between oncological outcomes and quality of life, and will the doctor be willing to accept your decisions about this?

For suggested questions to ask on interviews, see the following links:

• Questions to ask (and not ask) on a first urologist visit after a biopsy
• Questions to ask on a first visit for primary radiation therapy (IGRT/IMRT)
• Questions to ask an SBRT specialist
• Questions to ask a low dose rate (seeds) brachytherapist
• Questions to ask a high dose rate (temporary implant) brachytherapist
• Questions for a focal ablation therapist
• Questions for an adjuvant or salvage radiation doctor
• Questions to ask yourself

Personalities

Doctors are people too. They have the same diversity of personality characteristics that everyone else does. Some of us will not want our choice of doctor to be at all influenced by personality. Others cannot imagine working with a doctor they don’t respond to personally. 

Here are a couple of comments from patients in my support group:

“I know he is the top surgeon in the area, but he was arrogant. He didn’t listen to anything I had to say and swept aside my concerns as if they were unimportant. He didn’t seem to think there was any risk, as long as I went with him, and oh, by the way, he has an opening next week on a DaVinci that he can squeeze me into. He has a huge ego and wants to play God. I never went back.”

“He has done more robotic surgeries than anyone. He assures me that the operation will be a complete success and that very few of his patients suffer lasting incontinence or lasting ED. His self-assurance makes me feel comfortable turning myself over to his capable hands.

Here are another two comments:

“He didn’t look me in the eyes once during our meeting. He recited a long list of possible side effects and quoted probabilities from a variety of research studies. He refused to give me a firm recommendation and told me it depends on what I want. He is a complete nerd who should be calculating statistics rather than dealing with patients.

“He had all this amazing data at his fingertips. He gave an honest appraisal of all the risks and the benefits associated with each treatment. He gave me everything I needed to make my decision. It was exactly what I needed.”

Each pair of comments described the same doctor. Within each pair, the personality of the doctor was the same, but the personality of the patient was very different. You have to start with a frank self-assessment before you decide what personality characteristics are important to you in choosing a doctor.

Here are some questions to keep in mind as you conduct your first interview with a potential doctor:

• Does he listen?

• Does he adequately address my concerns?

• Do we speak the same language? Do we communicate?

• Does he provide full disclosure?

• Does he make me feel like a human being or an object?

• Is he rushing me into a decision?

• Is he telling me what I need to know to make an informed decision?

Remember that a good “bedside manner” does not necessarily translate into a competent doctor, as comforting as his presence may be.

Ongoing communications

It’s a good idea to establish how future communications will occur. I prefer to choose doctors who are willing to establish direct lines of communication with patients. 

I find phone calling to be a frustrating way of communicating. Because of HIPAA rules, he probably can’t leave a full message. He will seldom be available to speak to you when you call. Often there are gatekeepers you have to get through when you call. Assistants and nurses, though well-meaning, may not always get the message exactly right. Avoid asking them questions that only your doctor ought to answer. It puts them in an awkward position and may lead to errors.

During my first interview, I ask if the doctor is willing to communicate via email. My favorite doctor replies promptly to my questions, typically within minutes. I respect his time by keeping my questions brief so that I don’t abuse the privilege. In this way, we avoid playing phone tag. 

See also:

Managing the Doctor/Patient Relationship

Getting a Second Opinion

Questions for a focal ablation therapist

Questions for focal ablation therapists (read this link first)

1.     Am I a good candidate for focal ablation? Why do you say that?

2.     What about proximity to other organs – urethra, bladder neck, rectum?

3.     How would you assess my risk of urethral stenosis requiring catheterization?

4.     Is there a risk of recto-urethral fistula?

5.     Should I expect some incontinence for a while? For how long?

6.     What about damage to the neuro-vascular bundles on one or both sides?

7.     What is the risk of losing the ability to have erections? Orgasms? or have painful orgasms?

8.     What is the likelihood that I will still be able to ejaculate at orgasm?

9.     Should I expect blood in semen? In urine? Is climacturia ever an issue?

10. Should I expect bleeding and sloughing of necrotic tissue through my penis?

11. How long after the procedure can I have anal receptive sex?

12. What is the likelihood that undetected cancer in the untreated area will become a problem? How will we monitor that?

13. What is the likelihood that cancer in the treated area will not be fully killed off? How will we monitor that?

14. Will we use imaging (mpMRI or PET/CT) to assure the cancer is gone? Will we do a follow-up biopsy? Is there a pathologist here who is expert at reading biopsies of ablated tissue?

15. How will we monitor progression after the procedure? Since my PSA from the unablated zone will always be there, how do we know if progression has occurred?

16. What is the cost of the procedure? Does that include anesthesia?

17. What is the cost of a re-do, if I need one?

18. Are any of the costs covered by insurance?

19. How many focal ablations (as a primary therapy) have you done?

20. Have you always used the same equipment?

21. How has your practice changed over the years?

22. Are you going to be doing all of the really important parts of my procedure yourself?

23. What percent of those required re-dos?

24. What percent eventually needed other salvage therapies? What kinds of salvage therapies were used? Radiation? Surgery? Were they successful? What kinds of side effects occurred from the salvage?

25. What is the longest follow-up you’ve done of patients you’ve treated?

26. How long should follow-up be before we deem it a success, or am I always on “active surveillance”?

27. What kind of aftercare will you provide, and how will we monitor side effects, and for how long? Will you regularly monitor my urinary and erectile recovery progress with validated questionnaires like EPIC and IPSS?

28. What is the best way for us to communicate? May I ask short questions by email?

Questions not to ask:

1.     What treatments should I consider and which is the best for me? (this would be asking your doctor to be an expert in treatments outside of his specialty, and also to know which benefits and risks are most important to you – he doesn’t have time or inclination to be expert in all therapies, and he’s not a mind reader.)

2.     If I were your father, what would you recommend? (You don’t know how he feels about his father (lol), and more importantly, what he would feel most comfortable with is not necessarily what you would feel most comfortable with. This is your decision to make and live with – don’t give up your power!)

Gay men should never* have a prostatectomy

After over 10 years with gay prostate cancer support groups, I have come to believe that radical prostatectomies (RP) cause special and needless suffering in gay men and should never be used in them. Two great resources for gay men faced with this decision are these:

The Effects of Radical Prostatectomy on Gay and Bisexual Men's Mental Health, Sexual Identity and Relationships: Qualitative Results from the Restore Study

Threat of Sexual Disqualification: The Consequences of Erectile Dysfunction and Other Sexual Changes for Gay and Bisexual Men With Prostate Cancer

Gay men suffer more from prostate cancer

The distress caused by a prostate cancer treatment is worse for gay men than for straight men (Hart, Ussher, Rosser). The excess distress among the "boomer" cohort may be rooted in a lower perception of societal status to begin with (discussed in The Velvet Rage), and the adoption of dominant culture point-of-view of gay men as hypermasculine or effeminate, and hypersexualized. The greatest threat to the identity of gay men with prostate cancer is the loss of erectile function.

"Just cut it out"

"Cancer panic" is a type of anxiety familiar to everyone who has had a cancer diagnosis. It is often followed by generalized depression and grieving over one's mortality. Anxiety and depression are the enemies of understanding. There is very little input that can occur. From the doctor's point of view, a great deal of information is imparted. But from the patient's point of view, all he may hear is "cancer blah blah blah."

For most of us, cancer seems to be an unvaryingly lethal disease. We all have loved ones who have died, sometimes painfully, from various types of cancer. The fact that prostate cancer is uniquely slow growing and we have biomarkers and diagnostic tests that often allow it to be cured is lost on many of us, if not intellectually, at least emotionally.

"Just cut it out" is a very natural first reaction. Often, well-meaning family and friends reinforce that initial reaction.

Results the same or better with radiation or active surveillance

The ProtecT clinical trial randomized men with localized prostate cancer to either active monitoring, radical prostatectomy (RP), or external beam radiation (EBRT). After 10 years there was no difference in oncological outcomes. While ProtecT didn't break down results by risk level (almost everyone was favorable risk), we now know that 55% of low-risk men are able to go without treatment for 20 years so far without grade progression (Klotz). Favorable intermediate-risk men have similar 10-year results with RP or SBRT. Unfavorable intermediate-risk men seem to have superior results with radiation (see this link), and high-risk men have much better results with brachy boost therapy than surgery (Kishan et al. 2018).

There were marked differences, however, in quality-of-life in ProtecT. There was higher risk of lasting incontinence and erectile dysfunction after prostatectomy.

Among men who were previously potent, only 35% maintained potency 2 years after nerve-sparing prostatectomy (Sanda et al, 2008). It was similar to EBRT in men who were 10 years older. Using better radiation techniques (like SBRT) has resulted in 2-year potency preservation of 79% (Chen et al.). Of course, active surveillance results in no incremental potency loss.

Age

Younger men do better with any therapy - RP or RT. When we are younger, our tissues are more resilient. Some have used that as an excuse for younger men to avoid active surveillance. In fact, there is no age at which active surveillance is not preferable in terms of long-term side effects (see this link and Lee et al.).

It has been argued that the risk of a second primary malignancy due to radiation is a major risk factor in younger patients. This recent study found that the "Probability of Second Malignancy was similar between SBRT and radical prostatectomy." It is tremendously difficult to attribute second malignancies to radiation. Hensley et al. has shown that men who have had bladder cancer (removed by cystectomy) are more prone to prostate cancer. The best estimates of risk are less than 1% (see this link and this one). Arguably, younger men have more intact DNA repair mechanisms.

Young, unpartnered and gay men are particularly impacted by "marginalisation, isolation and stigma—relating to men's sense of being “out of sync”; the burden of emotional and embodied vulnerabilities and the assault on identity." (Matheson et al.) A recent Pew study reported that gays are much more likely to be single than straights, especially gays over 45 (AARP). Gay men of all ages do not have the social support system of their straight counterparts.

Aging without expected erectile function is especially a problem for gay men (Ussher et al.)

Erectile Dysfunction

Even among men who are able to regain erections sufficient for vaginal penetration, they are seldom able to regain erections sufficient for anal penetration. At Memorial Sloan Kettering, arguably one of the best institutions at providing quality RP, "only 4% of men who were ≥ 60 years old with functional erections pre-surgery achieved back-to-baseline erectile function." (Nelson et al.) I would guess that drops to near zero for anal penetration.

As mentioned, erectile dysfunction is the single largest emotional and social problem for gay men, who are mostly single at the age when they are treated for prostate cancer. Gay men more than straight men face an identity crisis because their identities have been sexualized. With only 35% maintaining potency after RP, and even fewer left with erections sufficient for anal intercourse, they are effectively excluded from the dating market and face a lifetime of social isolation. Ussher et al. (2017) calls it "sexual disqualification"- exclusion from gay life.

The sudden loss of potency destroys many pre-existing relationships. Partners look for sexual satisfaction elsewhere, and often leave relationships as a result. Depression is a common result. There have been no studies of suicide following RP among gay men, an unmet need.

While orgasm is still achievable without an erection, many men do not find it worth the bother.

Loss of Ejaculate

While women can fake orgasms, men can't. We either ejaculate at orgasm, or we don't have an orgasm. Ejaculation is how men communicate that "it was good for me." Men are disappointed when their partners do not "cum." RP removes all ejaculate except for Cowper's gland secretions. RT reduces ejaculation, but in a recent trial of SBRT patients at Georgetown, only 15% were without ejaculate after 2 years. Anejaculation excludes men from relationships with other gay men. It is more bothersome to gay men (Wassersug et al.)

Ejaculation is how we've signaled orgasm to ourselves since puberty. Getting used to orgasms without ejaculation takes some psychological readjustment, whether gay or straight.

Perceived size loss

Another rarely discussed adverse effect of RP is size loss. Men are very conscious of size and compare themselves to others. Size is seen as a surrogate for masculinity, and many think that sufficient size is necessary for mutual pleasure. Size loss is difficult to measure objectively, but the perception of size loss can be patient-reported (but usually isn't). In a patient-reported study of 1411 men, 55% of men report size loss after RP (Carlsson et al.)That loss had a negative effect on their quality of life. Some patients complain that even sitting down to pee they are unable to point their micropenis into the toilet. Gay men with such size loss universally do not undress in front of others.

Climacturia

Shooting urine at orgasm (climacturia) is another non-regularly reported side effect of RP. Incidence was as high as 44% at 3 months post RP and 36% at 24 months post RP (Mitchell et al.). For many men, gay or straight, it is embarrassing and bothersome. Many give up sex because of it.

Penile sensitivity/dysorgasmia

Because of damage to the pudendal nerve during RP, some men report penile pain (usually temporary) or loss of sensitivity (maybe permanent). Perhaps related is reported pain during orgasm(this seldom occurs). This is often not reported.

Anal Pleasure

I've heard mixed reports about whether receptive anal sex (bottoming) is as pleasurable post-prostatectomy. Some feel that pushing against the prostate and pushing out cum is an important source of pleasure. Others feel that filling the rectum is all that's necessary. Ussher reports that many men who are in relationships who previously enjoyed "topping" switched to bottoming when they could no longer perform. Many were unhappy about switching roles. This has only been qualitatively researched.

Myths

There are two myths that are prevalent about radiation, and they affect decision-making among gays and straights equally. The first myth is that salvage after radiation is nearly impossible. While it is true that surgery after radiation is fraught with peril and should never be done, it is untrue that no salvage is possible. In fact, salvage after RT often has better results both oncologically and in terms of side effects compared to salvage RT after surgery (see this link). More to the point, with 10-year biochemical recurrence-free survival after RT over 95% for favorable risk, and over 80% for the highest risk patients, and with better PSMA PET patient selection, salvage should not be an overriding concern. It is a mistake to think that one can always have salvage. Side effects are always worse than if RT had been given originally.

The other myth is that with radiation, side effects crop up with time. One need only look at the patient-reported outcomes in the 6 years of the ProtecT trial to see it isn't true (see this link). With radiation, acute side effects are highest in the first 6 months and decrease afterward. That is not to say there are no late-term effects, but it is extremely rare for an entirely new side effect to occur later that has never occurred before. Erectile dysfunction naturally increases over time as men age. In a very elegant study, Keyes et al. showed that half of the long-term decline in erectile function among men getting brachytherapy was due to normal aging. ED does occur with radiation, but there is significantly less.

ADT

It is worth mentioning that those with advanced prostate cancer who must use ADT, often complain of their loss of masculinity. When RT is used for high-risk localized prostate cancer, adjuvant ADT is temporary. However, if proper preventive measures aren't taken (e.g., penis pump), there could be permanent size loss.

Lack of Research

The major instruments/questionnaires for evaluating quality-of-life after treatment, EPIC and SHIM, do not ask about most of the above adverse effects of treatments. Indeed, they do not ask men if they have sex with other men. What does not get measured, does not get acted upon. If there are any solutions to the above adverse effects of RP, they are not being studied intensively, if at all.

Most urologists have no idea if their patients are gay or straight. Sometimes they bring their male partner if they have one. But most often they are not out to their doctor because they are fearful that their doctor may have anti-gay attitudes and will somehow provide lesser treatment.

Advice

Slow it down!: For men diagnosed with localized prostate cancer, there is ample time to make a decision. Treatment delays have been studied (see this link), and treatment delays of 3 months, even in high-risk men, do not make a difference in outcomes. Your initial cancer panic will subside with time, and you will be able to make a more reasonable decision. Doctors should never accept a treatment decision within one month of diagnosis, and probably not even within 3 months, especially with the approval of PSMA PET scans for unfavorable risk patients. If your diagnosis is low-risk, join an active surveillance program. Even some favorable intermediate-risk men with small amounts of pattern 4 can buy time on active surveillance.

Tell your doctor that you're gay. Very few are bigots in major cities. If you live in Buttfuck, KY you should not have a prostatectomy there anyway. Remember that your doctor is of limited use in helping you grapple with the emotions necessary or even provide much of the information necessary to make this decision, and won't be there to pick up the pieces afterwards. A recent NY Times article described a novel program at Nothwestern University in Chicago to help gay men after prostate cancer treatment.

Join a support group. One can read all about this stuff, but things like loss of ejaculate and size loss won't be real to you unless you experience them. The next best thing is talking to a live person who has experienced them. (This is called the "availability heuristic," by the way.) It is one thing to understand intellectually, but quite another to feel it. Seeing a grown man cry about his micropenis has more impact than reading that penile shortening occurs.

Go into psychotherapy/ learn mindfulness: We all have baggage about cancer. Learn what kind of baggage you are carrying and whether you are hampered by it. If you can, take a class in mindfulness. With practice, it will help you stay in the present moment instead of ruminating endlessly about low probability future outcomes.

Talk to a Radiation Oncologist: We all started with a urologist. Sometimes, he did your biopsy. Many are trained as surgeons. Some surgeons are "hot dogs" who believe they can cure the common cold. They usually recommend surgery, because it's what they do. (If they don't believe in surgery, they wouldn't be a surgeon.) Get out and find a radiation oncologist before you make a treatment decision.

Don't ask the doctor what he would do if you were his father! This is probably the question patients most often ask, but shouldn't. You are asking one specialist to also be a specialist in another therapy. A doctor well-trained in shared decision-making will deflect your question: "what more can I tell you, so that you feel able to make this decision for yourself?" Even if the doctor is gay, he is not you - he has his own set of concerns and biases.

*OK, there are exceptions, but very few.

(1) There are very few men who are super-sensitive to radiation cannot have it. 

(2) Some men have BPH to such a degree that radiation will inflame the prostate and cause the urethra to close up. Most such men can have a TURP procedure before radiation. TURPs usually cause reverse ejaculation (semen goes up into the bladder). But it is also necessary to wait several months before radiation begins; otherwise, there is risk of incontinence. 

(3) Men with a history of intractable relapsing prostatitis. 

There may be other reasons - I encourage patients to tell me about any.

For suggested questions to ask on interviews, see the following links:

• Questions to ask (and not ask) on a first urologist visit after a biopsy
• Questions to ask on a first visit for primary radiation therapy (IGRT/IMRT)
• Questions to ask an SBRT specialist
• Questions to ask a low dose rate (seeds) brachytherapist
• Questions to ask a high dose rate (temporary implant) brachytherapist
• Questions for an adjuvant or salvage radiation doctor
• Questions to ask yourself
• I didn't add focal ablation because we now have definitive proof that it doesn't work (see this link)